Family and then theres me.

When I babysit a couple of kids, one of them doesn't go onto the bus till later so usually I watch the news in the morning. This morning I saw one of the singers from Destiny's child speak out about her story of depression, and honestly, I felt like myself after I have seen that. On Good Morning America, One of the answers were interviewing her. She said that being depressed or having depression is tabooed and it agrees with her. In our society, it is on some levels tabooed or ignored, and in some cases ignored or even bullied for the fact we are facing these things and in fear being bullied for speaking our thought of depression. I'm not afraid to admit I have depression, I am always depressed, I try to do things or do things to help it, it does help, I was on a medication called Lexapro my family dr prescribed to me. After a while I felt like I had no emotions, I don't use it unless I really can't control my emotions or had a server panic attacks which is barel...

My 22nd birthday is in 2 days, Usaly when my birthday rolls around Im like a little kid with candy or a awsome new toy. This Birthday is differnt. This is the first birthday with out my parents wakeing me up and wishing me a happy birthday since I move 20 mins from them. My great grandmother who has past in almost 2 months ago wont be calling me on my Birthday. When she lived in Michigan she either called and she always bpught me presents. When she moved to Texas, she always made time to call me around my birthday. Since her passing  I havent been the same, Its a wee bit differnt then other family memebers passing since shes been there since the day of my birth. Last time I lost someone who ment as much as she did I was 7 years old. I have lost some family who did mean alot, I dont entirely understand why it hit me so hard when I was 7. But Today I know why loseing her.

I somewhat remember 9/11. I was only 4, just before my 5th birthday. I did ask my mom what happened, I was at home with my mom, she was pregnant and was watching tv. My mom was on the phone with a bunch of people that day, my dad was at work and came home early. Every year at school we always sat in silence some stupid students even said why do we still have to do it. I do it because I'm lucky, I'm lucky none of my family was hurt and they were all home safely. We celebrate for those who didn't make it, you didn't come home safely, who didn't make it or come home from finding others, and for those who crashed, saved others, and for those who thought it was going to be a normal day when in reality it changed not those who lost the family member that day but the world, the United States, and every student who sits in class who sits in silence. Today is the day not only to be thankful for what we have or lucky to be alive but also for those who sacrifice their liv...

Lately, My Emotions and thoughts have been all over the place, some are good and some are bad, Most have been the focus of my family's history. When family has told you about things that have happened or family who tells you the history. One thought was cancer. Cancer runs in my family and when I get my yearly check to make sure and bring it up. My great great Great grandma Baker died when my great grandma was a small child from cancer in the 40's due to lack of updated medication like today. I believe at least 1 out of 8 brothers my great grandma has had Colon cancer and great grandma had cancer in her uterus twice. Another factor I have found out was Alcoholism. My great grandfather Grappin was acholic. I'm not really sure what started it but I can guess it was the Korean war. I remember learning about the Korean war in high school and hearing stories about how bad he was when he was there, He freaked out when he was on the battlefield so he became a medic and drove t...

In mid-August, my great-grandma Grappin had passed away. And lately, I've been thinking about her a lot. I was very close to her and had an amazing bond and friendship I could ever ask for. People have been telling me lately shes only my grandmother and I should just move on and get over it, or it happens. The last death that had the most effect on me before hers was great grandma brown, and the person who I ran to was her. But as I looked around me and all the friends and family who were easily there for me didn't text, call or said a single word to me. Only friends who did were only 3 of them from high school and my man. My other thought was being thankful for the time I had with her, I have to say 22 years of a beautiful friendship was a time worth while of love. I loved this woman till the day she passed and the last words we exchanged a month before her passing was I Love You. I was full of a little regret not calling enough or visiting her in Texas, but I was also reli...

So as my current relationship, I learned just before we dated he had the same last name as me, Brown. I knew it was a very common last names, like Smith, Miller and many others. Before we dated we made sure we weren't related. As it turned out we arent. Today after about 16 years after my great grandma had passed away I went to the cemetery to where she is buried, just trying to find great grandma and grandpa was hard and had to go while they closed, but I know on a longer brighter day I know I will find them. While I was there I did call my mom because she remembered better than me, But she only told me what grandma and grandpa told her, They couldn't find them when they wanted to show their cousins. But as I was looking and noticeing the grave sites and names, it reminded me of a poem I have read about a year ago about Family, Some family you may never know but you share your blood and names with them and it brings you closer to family and who you are. Today I ran into at...

This past Wednesday my great uncle on my dads side past away. I've known my great uncle since my parents got married. My grandfather called and I really wanted to cry on the phone, I did it to be strong for my grandfather because I knew he was feeling it bad, even when he barely shows any emotions. when he got off the phone I could barely hold it together but I stopped, the day after I grieved pretty hard because I wish I was able to spend more time. I barely get to see my grandpas relatives since my great grandpa died in 2006. My favorite memories that I can remember was uncle bobby and aunt Janice 50th wedding Anniversary. It was a good day with family there from all over and grandma and grandpas. We got him an ice cream cake and as they were holding it up for pictures the cake started melting and it slid off the tray and aunt Janice caused it with her hand and smeared it all over his face and he got her back.

It is now may, and been a long while Since I posted, but I like to thank many people who have been helping and supporting through whats been going on. Lets start were i left off. JANUARY My bf of 10 months left me because he couldent handle my depression and anexity attacks so he left me. We were friends till he just never really talk to me so thats that. Febuary In Early February I met shane my current Boyfriend. About 2 weeks after meeting we started dateing. I stayed at his house because I was already there when we lost power to my patents home due to bad wireing. March Lets see, alot happend there in about mid march, moved in with him , someone notice something and when I thought I was became true. My bfs great grandma and great grandmas brother died just a few days apart, the brothers funeral was monday, just befor we left I learned I was pregnat. The Friday after I learned I was pregnat I ended up haveing a misscarige. I went the ER and have to have several altra sounds a...

Seams late, very late but I have been on the down low for a while with spending time with my family and love ones. At the entry of a new year, I had a docters apointment for a physical. And I had recieved some bad new, but also good news. I have learned series of cancers runs in my family on my mothers side, I have a thyroid problem which also runs in my family but other then me haveing it my great grandma does. Alcoholism runs in my moms side but mostly my biological fathers side and due to that I also have some kidney issues due to past family issues being passed down to me. Some of it was hard on me, and I have to go back to test some issues on, but it was hard to tell my parents. It was even harder to tell my boyfriend that. I know he will stick with me when more issues start to pop up on me and I know I would be very glad but I feel like I would drag him down with me and everyone else.